I have been playing FreeCell a lot lately, subconsciously trying to bring order to my life. It's funny how I default to that game when I'm feeling out of control. Knowing that every hand is supposed to be solvable, I feel as if I'm somehow solving all of my life's problems by carefully ordering the cards in descending order, black on red on black on red....
Unfortunately, of course, what I'm actually doing is wasting time.
I've been feeling stressed lately. The formation of Tropical Storm Chris in the Caribbean is a good part of my dis-ease, but not all of it. Three more pine trees in the back yard have gotten beetles and have to be removed now - an expensive problem at any time but really problematic if a hurricane gets here before the tree service folks. Most of all, though, it's time to seriously finish putting the house in order and have it ready to show. Several people have expressed interest, and I'd like to be able to invite them in for a look around at a moment's notice.
Funny, it's not the move per se that has me uptight - it's selling the house. Somehow it feels like my life and my decorating ability (or lack thereof) and simply my general worthiness as a human being are all being judged by a bunch of strangers. If the house sells rapidly, I've done well and I am "worthy"; if the house languishes on the market, I'm being found wanting. (And given the fact that this house had languished on the market for months before we bought it, I feel like the deck is stacked against me to begin with.)
Logically I know that this is stupid and that I am not my house...but it's what I feel emotionally. And it adds a horrible degree of stress to what is already a somewhat stressful situation (i.e. moving).
I know that this too shall pass. We have successfully sold 4 other houses. We will eventually successfully sell this one. But, boy, I will be SOOOO glad when we have come through this gauntlet and have moved on to other challenges.